yuletide_coal | It's a Coal (w)rap Battle

My mom was an early Smug Mommy, and junk food was one of the Hills She Would Die On. It could have been worse--some of her friends didn't allow their kids to have cake at their own birthday parties, stuff like that. My mom wasn't that bad.

However, she loved Halloween, because it gave her an opportunity to show all the other, non-Smug, parents how enlightened she was by conspicuously not giving candy to their children. Here is a partial list of the things my mom gave to trick-or-treaters over the years:

--tiny boxes of raisins

--stickers

--sticks of sugarless gum

--pennies

--plain, unsharpened yellow pencils

>_<

(Before you ask, no, our house was never egged or otherwise pranked. It was the kind of neighborhood where everyone knew each other--lots of block parties, all the kids in and out of each other's houses all day, if you got sick at work and your own mom was at work the school nurse had a list of other neighborhood moms she could call who would come pick you up and take you to their house--that kind of thing. Everyone just understood that Mrs. Nonny had some special ideas about candy, and it wasn't nice to make fun of people's special ideas, and no one should do or say anything to the Nonny kids to make them feel bad because it wasn't their fault their mommy ~~was a total killjoy~~ had special ideas.)

Were you allowed to eat any candy?

Yep. We were always allowed to eat one piece that same night, and pick out a few more pieces to keep in the freezer. Mom would ceremonially dole out one piece of frozen candy to each kid as after-supper dessert each night until they were gone. Needless to say, the punishment for sneaking in and eating it at non-approved times was swift and terrible.

Did I mention that my mom was a psych major? She understood, vaguely, that making junk food a Forbidden Delight was how you gave your kids eating disorders. Instead, her mantra was "Junk food is a special thing that we eat a little bit at special times".

(Because, you know, associating food with control and ritual never caused anyone any problems, oh no.)

Oh no :(

Frozen candy?

To be fair, frozen Reese's cups are the bomb.

Grind frozen Reese's in a blender, add chocolate ice cream, add milk. Delicious milkshake.

NAYRT

I assume Nonny is talking about chocolate? Frozen chocolate is very tasty if you let it melt a bit (maybe more than a bit if it's got toffee or something else toothbreaking inside it).

Frozen candy corn though.

Frozen circus peanuts!

Does anyone remember Charleston Chews? You froze them on purpose to make them edible, then broke them while they were frozen. The strawberry was my favorite. Wow, I'm old. That is old-timey candy now, isn't it?

Yes, but I'm fascinated nonetheless by your candy-eating lifehacks.

I mean, I've seen them before but I never knew you were supposed to freeze them. That candy makes so much more sense now (and at the same time, so much less...).

Charleston Chews are DELICIOUS, but I like them better if you microwave them for a couple seconds. If you want to be fancy, add graham crackers for instant s'mores.

BAGS OF PENNIES ARE THE WORST

at least do dimes or quarters omg

Trick or treat for unicef!

Blast from the fucking past wow. Does that exist still?

/22 y/o coalie who now feels old

I have no idea, I remembered it in the moment. Blast from the past indeed.

NA

I'm pretty sure I still have an old box hanging around my parent's house somewhere. I'm also pretty sure it still has coins in it. Also all the arcade tokens that the teenagers thought would be funny to unload on us. (but then we were the unfun family who never went to said arcades because they were too far)

I was about to chime in with "they were when I was a kid which wasn't that far away" but we are the same age *facepalm*

Yeahhhh same here.

:(

Stickers I woulda been fine with as long as I liked 'em. Pennies too, but only because the store down the road still had an old school penny candy section and that shit woulda been turned into a handful of candy or a couple horehound sticks anyway.

But plain pencils were the worst. School had just started a month ago, we still had plenty! And it was never hard to get one free if you did lose them fast!

Now pencils with cartoon characters or something on them I woulda loved, 'cause I was a poor kid who couldn't get fancy things. Or one with rainbow lead would've been a good amount of the candy!

It's a Coal (w)rap Battle

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